Wednesday, July 22, 2009

Letters From The Edge of Insanity

ever have those days when you feel like larry david in an episode of "curb your enthusiasm"? you know, days when you try to accomplish simple activities but are unable to and it feels like the entire world is conspiring against you to make sure you can't? well, today is one of those.

being unemployed will make you do things you probably shouldn't. things like applying to a job that does not accept emailed resumes. seriously. welcome to the 21st century, new york public design commission. not accepting emailed resumes for your open job makes no sense. none at all. strike 1.

because the new york public art commission is too stupid to accept emailed resumes, i was forced to deal with the geniuses at the USPS. if you are anything like me, you probably don't mail letters too often and therefore do not have a cache of envelopes and stamps lying around, so i went to the post office to get a single, stamped envelope.

the post office was busy, but fortunately the cooper square PO is equipped with these new-fangeled automated postal centers which are supposed to make mailing a snap; they are to the PO what ATMs are to banks. but you know what you can't buy at one of these? a single, stamped envelope. that would be too easy. so i asked a postal employee why not. he told me that buying such an item doesn't make much money for the postal service, to which i replied "but doesn't it cost more to have a teller sell them than it does a machine"? apparently this was too much for him as he just stared at me and directed me to stand in line. strike 2.

after a few mins i made it to the front and asked for a single, stamped envelope please. i handed the teller a 20 because it was all i had. she rolled her eyes in disgust, so i asked her for her opinion on why single, stamped envelopes are not available at the machine. before i fell you what she said, i want to warn those reading this (dad) that your head might explode do to the sheer stupidity of her answer. consider yourself warned. she said that the reason i cannot buy a single, stamped envelope at the automated postal center is because in 2001 the anthrax letters were mailed with such an envelope purchased on such a machine. i kid you not. strike 3.

so, thanks USPS. You have really made a good decision there. that'll learn those evil-doers. i bet they can't figure out how to get single, stamped envelopes now! judging by how hard of a time i had getting one, this might not be a bad idea because i generally consider myself smarter than your average, run-of-the-mill terrorist and if i had trouble getting a single, stamped envelope i can only imagine how difficult it must be for them. this is also good for the USPS because people just love going to the PO, so anything they can do to make it easier for customers to get what they want would just make too much sense. and they wonder why they are losing money...

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